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God still loves me

November 10, 2009

It takes me for.ev.er to get back on a schedule once I abandon it, apparently. It’s been weeks since I went to Washington, and I’m still not back to it yet. Granted, some thing have changed, but not that much.

The worst of it is that it’s taking a toll on my “quiet time” (or whatever you like to call the time you set aside to spend with Holy Spirit in prayer or Bible study or worship). I justified slacking off the first week I was back ’cause there was a lot to catch up on, but then I think it became comfortable. It was like I looked around and went, “Huh, I really won’t burst into flames if I ignore Holy Spirit all of Monday.”

Maybe that’s harsh, but it’s more or less what I did. And it’s hard to come back from that. Pile on the guilt and it becomes really hard.

So yesterday I decided I had to do it. I had to put aside some of the house work, ministry work, finance stuff that was all screaming for my attention and sit down with Him.

But you know what it’s like when someone stands you up? Has the same person ever ditched out on you twice, or even three times? It’s really frustrating, and everyone has a threshold that they eventually run over. It varies from person to person, and the difference is usually how much you like them.

Friends get to not show up once or twice before there are words. Good friends, maybe thrice. Family (if you like your family) and spouses get more leeway if only because you’re stuck with them and it’s just easier to swallow your pride and keep the peace.

What about a crush, though? A lover? Someone you’re still pursuing, or still hoping will pursue you? Someone who is still new, still electrifying? Those of us who are past that point in a relationship would say something sensible like, “If he’s late all the time that’s a bad sign … not respecting you …” But we’d say that because we’ve forgotten how it felt to be really seen for the first time, and because we’ve forgotten what fresh love feels like.

Because that person will always be received with open arms. That person will always try to explain their absence and be met with, “Don’t worry about it. You’re here now.” That person will still get smiled at, hugged, loved.

And despite weeks of mounting guilt, that’s who I was yesterday. I was the lover, the one being pursued, the one who hurt someone by now showing up on time, but who overcame His heart when I finally did. I started to apologize, but He simply said, “You’re here now.”

I don’t know how people don’t love Him.

Have you strayed away lately? You can go back. Don’t listen to the lies and the guilt. He’ll smile at you too, stop your excuses, and take you forward instead of back.

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