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April 24, 2008

Have I mentioned lately that the burden of need in the world is too much for me to bear?

I’m unspeakably excited about the house we’re closing on in three days, but I caught myself today thinking, “For $100,000 more (not that we have $100,000 more) we could’ve taken the one down the street, set up a soup kitchen in the basement, and carved out a community garden in the empty lot next door.” I know the house we’re getting is the one God wants us in, and I love it – but I’m overwhelmed at the same time.

I read this NYT article today. It’s long, but read it all the way to the end. When you get to the end, let me know if your heart screams the same thing mine did and we’ll go to Haiti together to find that woman. I almost cried.

Then I saw this. I can’t tell you how much I want to go. I’m a huge fan of B:WM and I think I heard my bike scream “Amen!” from the apartment across town. I’d give a few toes to go if God said it was okay.

I started to think about which organizations can get more food to more people. Which can dig more wells for the money. Which do what they do in the name of Love. How many children can we afford to adopt tomorrow? How many clicks on Free Rice does it take to feed a nation? How do you go about setting up an orphanage in Africa? Or freeing women who are forced into prostitution in India?

We’ve determined to stay home this summer and work in the mission field God has planted us in, but $1 can buy clean water for one person for a whole year in Africa. There’s too much.

And then I started thinking about the Church in the last days. The earth groans. There will be earthquakes and famines and war. It’s not going to get any better. Is the Church going to get any better? We need to. It’s nobody’s responsibility more than it is ours.

Feed My sheep.”

Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Bear one another’s burdens.”

Are we ready for this? Are we lightening our load so we can take on each others? Are we setting up systems for disaster relief the next time it strikes? Are we teaching people? Do we love enough?

Can we love enough? Should we try to love more? There are days when I feel like I can’t bear it as it is, and I’m not really bearing anything at all.

I know that His yoke is easy and His burden light and I should just keep doing whatever I can do and not … what? Not concern myself with the rest of it? Not let it bother me? I’m not trying to let it bother me, but I bump into an article and my heart feels like lead the rest of the day.

I should pray and trust God but I know it’s not going away.

I feel like if I could sit somewhere and cry enough it would help somehow.

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