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pardon me for just a moment

February 5, 2008


I’m so bored lately. (Which is not to say I have nothing to do, contrary to popular belief, so don’t go making plans for me. Thanks.) I think that’s why I haven’t blogged in a few days.

I’m bored with my job. I’m bored with church innovation, and I’m bored with Vintage Christianity. I’m bored with the latest technology, and I’m bored with church leaders who don’t think it’s useful. I’m bored with church marketing. I’m bored with 21st-century Pharisees.

I’m bored with the self-righteousness of the western Church, and I’m bored with talking about it.

I’m bored with blogs and twits and Facebook. I’m bored with popular music and anti-popular popular music. I’m bored with Christian music.

I’m bored with skin-deep conviction and my own half-hearted worship. I’m bored with myself. I’m bored with spiritual apathy. That’s right: I’m bored with apathy. I’m not even sure I know what that means. I’m bored with where I’m at. Let’s just be perfectly honest: I am bored with my relationship with God.

Yep.

I was listening to a Corey Russel sermon (from two years ago) recently. Forty-five minutes later he prays Psalm 119, “Lord, turn away our eyes from looking at worthless things,” and comments, “not even bad things, just worthless things.” That made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t do anything about it.

I got Misty Edwardsnew CD yesterday. I know a lot of the tracks already from The Call and YouTube and the Limited Edition CDs from IHOP. I sat down at my piano last night to figure out a few chords. I sat and sang, “Finally I surrender,” and suddenly felt like such a phony. No I don’t; who am I kidding? I’d like to; I know I need to, but am I at this moment surrendering anything to God? No.

I’m bored with my emotions.

And it’s my fault, I know. Because God is by no means boring. I’ve limited our relationship to business lately: the business of tithing, the business of worship, the business of student ministry. And the whole world becomes boring when I take God out of it.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Nate permalink
    February 5, 2008 5:55 pm

    so… true. i’ve felt that same way often… and sadly it doesn’t always convict me to action.

  2. The Academy Against Apathy permalink
    February 5, 2008 6:54 pm

    mmmm. waiting to die is most agonizing thing.

  3. The Academy Against Apathy permalink
    February 5, 2008 6:56 pm

    what the? Sometimes waiting to die is a most agonizing thing.

  4. 2 Corinthians 7:6 permalink
    February 5, 2008 8:08 pm

    I heard someone say once, “Waiting to die is the most agonizing thing.” I just thought I’d share in case you hadn’t heard that before.

    Titus

  5. Tami permalink
    February 12, 2008 2:42 am

    1. titus is funny…and i think without trying.
    2. good girl. i love you for myriad reasons, but mostly because you’re honest.
    3. i didn’t mean ‘good girl’ like i would say to a pet.
    4. me too.

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