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I … I … I … me … me … me …

January 10, 2008

I want to learn how to knit. I mean really knit. So I can make these for my friends and my boys someday:

I want to be able to make my own pies from scratch, and even do that lattice thing with strips on the top.

I want to be able to read more – study even.

I want to write.

I want to zine.

I want to make buttons for unsigned bands and missionaries.

Sometimes I want to be a worship leader although I’m coming to face the fact that despite my efforts – and God bless Tami for hers – I really can’t sing.

I want to fix bicycles for people who love – or at least really need – their bicycles.

I want a vegetable garden.

I want to be as creative and artistic as people seem to think I am.

I want to sit on the couch with my mom and watch White Christmas and listen to her sing every word of every song.

I want sunshine.

I want to play classical piano music again.

I want to buy a new CD without wondering how it’s going to affect the checkbook.

But I also want to get over myself. I want to want to die daily. I want my life to mean something – and I want that statement to be motivated by something other than pride. I want to be honest with myself and my God, but I don’t know how. Because I know the right answers, but they sometimes feel like a lie when I say them.

I don’t really think I have any idea what it is I want. I wonder if it matters.

One Comment leave one →
  1. jeffie permalink
    January 11, 2008 2:12 pm

    Sounds to me like you go do all you desire here in Sunny South Carolina :) except for watch white christmas with your mom, but she could fly down :)

    I also appreciate the “groan” in your spirit that despite our heart and flesh desires (as noble as some of them seem) i still can not deny the longing of my spirit to finally overcome and conquerer my flesh and end the long war between flesh and spirit and to finally kill the person who was Jeff Poms and let the person who God created and intended me to be finally emerge.

    *side note* if you get a chance check out my website

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