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letter to the editor

January 23, 2007

I submitted this to the Northwest Herald this morning. I could have gone on, but they won’t print it unless it is 200 words or less. It’s exactly 200. Count ’em.

Dear Illinois Legislature:

I would like to propose a statewide ban on women in SUVs. I am drafting a bill on my lunch breaks that would make it illegal for any woman to own or operate an SUV.

I know some women have the capacity and self-control to be behind the wheel of an SUV, but the ratio is too small to continue endangering the remainder of Illinois’ motorists.

Every time I have ever been the target of a rude gesture from someone who did not understand the right of way at a merge, every time someone has ever swerved wildly into the right lane to blow past me just in time to cut me off and come to a dead stop in front of me in a left turn lane … it has been a woman in an SUV.

I am sure if I could convince the government to fund another obvious study, we would come to a conclusion similar to, “… high vantage points and testosterone-driven marketing combined with a functioning emotional bank results in road rage in nine out of 10 cases.”

Women who drive SUVs rationally: I salute you, but please, take one for the team.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. tami permalink
    January 23, 2007 4:07 pm

    i dig ya…i really do. (mini-van driving women are equally bad) but (of course, as you know) as a woman who drives an SUV, i have to say…wait til you have a baby carseat and try to cram it into the middle of the backseat of one of the Wiz-mobiles. juuuuust wait.

  2. Timothy permalink
    January 23, 2007 5:07 pm

    I’m with you honey. That’s why we’re going to own an audi( with the Arnold accent)station wagon. twin turbo’s and that’s the only thing “twin” going into that machine.

  3. tami permalink
    January 31, 2007 7:01 am

    ha ha ha…juuuuuuuuust wait. ;) *prays fervently for Wiz twins*

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