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January 12, 2007

I am the most prideful person I know.

This is my battle currently. I knew, obviously, that there’s pride in me, but I stared at it last night and it’s worse than I thought. It really is disgusting.

It’s irritating when three year olds get on a “why” kick; it’s really irritating (to my flesh – disclaimer) when Holy Spirit does it. I love Him; I know He’s helping me. My flesh hates it. It brings the deeper motives for everything I do into the light, and, yes, better they’re brought to the light on this side of eternity but that doesn’t make it less painful.

How much of everything that I do, do I do for the Lord? Not how many things of my laundry list of tasks per day do I accomplish for Him (1 point for worship practice, -1 point for dishes). Of each single thing I do for Him, how much am I really doing for Him? Fasting, for example. What is my motive? Is 99% of my motive to draw near my Creator and submit my will to His, and 1% of my motive to gain the approval of my church leaders? Because that’s not good enough. Is my heart really to serve, or to be seen as a servant?

The thing about pride is that its such a painfully obvious thorn that you just have to deal with it. You can’t pretend you didn’t know it was there because it points itself out. If I look at someone and get a knot in my stomach because I’m irritated at his pride … that’s probably my pride whining about how he has nothing to be so proud about. Ouch. (Of course I’m sure there are circumstances wherein someone may have a word of knowledge about someone else struggling with pride, or a spirit of discerning on the matter, but if it’s God it will be compassionate instead of annoying.)

Complications on the matter:
False humility is also pride.
A poor self-image is not the same thing as humility.

So I’m working on this.

One Comment leave one →
  1. I Ravish His Heart permalink
    January 15, 2007 4:06 am

    That is so true and i really need to do taht for myself. Thanks lex that really brought that to my mind.

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