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Dirty

September 12, 2006

Sometimes I think I’m so full of envy and strife that it’s a wonder I don’t just fall down dead. It’s a wonder I get anything done, or that I’m allowed to minister under a CITW banner. There are days when I feel like it’s about to consume me and I’ll never speak a word of wisdom, never lay hands on the sick ever again – because how could the Lord use so rotten a creature?

I know He can, though, and that He will, that He does it because He is Love and that even though I’m disgusting He smiles over me. I’ve reminded Him of the blood of His Son several times over the past two days … or reminded myself. It’s so hard sometimes to remember that He considers me lovely today. Me. Today. Even though I have next to no real vision for my life, almost zero passion for the One who burns for me. Even though I slept through our date this morning because I was up late watching a movie last night. He chuckles as He wipes the mud from my face.

Who can be against me? Not even me.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Floating Axe permalink
    September 12, 2006 7:42 pm

    This as you are encountering is the beauty of Gods love for us and sinners. God so loved us that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us, and He allows us to minister His word as long as His light is getting through and then He counts it all joy to show His mighty hand through you so that He gets more Glory the wounded get healed and YOU fall to repentance at Gods goodness and mercy towards a sinner like you. Careful i feel a preach cummin’ on

  2. Mel permalink
    September 13, 2006 3:44 am

    I think it is in these times of recognizing the true reality of our hearts that we begin to understand what true humility is. May He continue to work this out in each of us as we press towards the goal.

  3. Samantha permalink
    September 13, 2006 8:33 pm

    Hi, there! I received the zine you sent me and was so blessed! I also emailed you…

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